gavdalfian cheesus

born, jose manuel burrichaga-smith, gavdalfian spent his early years tramping grapes in bolton. penniless after overspending on exotic fruit, gavdalfian's father decided to become david icke.

the 'icke' years were not kind to gavdalfian. at school other children would suggest that gavdalfian's father was actually reinforcing the power of the elites he sought to expose, and this was why his books were available everywhere. if icke really represented a genuine challenge to the status quo then his books would have shared the fate of henry miller....the kids would then tease gavdalfian about his ridiculous nose and seasonal eruptions of stigmata.

after enduring these painful adolescent years gavdalfian found solace in beekeeping and drudgery. it was during this time that he first stumbled upon the secret teachings of bert newton, the australian tv personality and svengali.

after 12 years of intense study gavdalfian decided to infect his bees with a virulent strain of athlete's foot, decimating not only his own bee colonies but eventually much of the world's. deprived of honey and fruit the population soon became sluggish and docile and prey to gavdalfian's mind control techniques that he termed 'neuro-linguistic programming'.

after many years gavdalfian found himself eating cheese off a plate and decided that he really needed to change his life. the nlp pioneer turned apostate, using his powers to forwarn and forearm humanity, rather than lead them further into bondage....

and the rest is....similar